This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Bree Reinhart. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I've been a wedding photographer for nine years, shooting my first one when I was still in college.
I fell in love with the idea of eloping after photographing a ceremony where it was just me, the bride, the groom, the videographer, and the officiant. It was the most magical experience because it was only about them.
It wasn't because the couple couldn't afford a wedding, either: they had a party with friends and family after. But they were just tired of hearing what they should and shouldn't do, and decided to take it into their own hands, even if they upset some people in the process.
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It seemed perfect. I was never someone who had a Pinterest board for her wedding, and even as a photographer, I wasn't big on the details like table settings. Plus, seeing other couples' big days tainted by family involvement or issues with their vendors made eloping all the more appealing.
From my experience, I became a champion of eloping and doing what you want — and had an elopement wedding of my own years later.
I had a traditional ceremony in my first marriage
In my previous marriage, I really wanted to elope in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, where my ex-husband and I visited. I loved the idea of being in nature, which spoke to our personalities, and also having our big day be focused on just us.
He wanted a more practical approach to the wedding, where our friends and family could be there. We ended up having a destination wedding and an after-party in Texas, where I'm from.
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Even though I thought the ceremony should be about our unity instead of pleasing other people, I pivoted from my dream wedding to meet the criteria of what everyone else wanted out of my marriage.
I eloped with my now-husband and am so happy we did
My now-husband knew about my past experience and how I always wanted to elope — but it wasn't so simple at first. He's Catholic, and according to the Catholic faith, weddings must be conducted in a church as a sacrament.
He got on board with an elopement because I was able to communicate why it was important to me, and he was on the same page that marriage should be about the two people getting married. We decided to legally marry and to later validate the marriage through the Catholic Church — a complicated process since I was previously married and need to first get that marriage annulled.
I asked my husband if there was a place he really loved and he said Glacier National Park, which I'd never been to. We planned the entire elopement in two weeks, choosing to go in February of last year. While it's usually gray around that time of year, we lucked out and had clear, sunny skies. Everything just fell into place.
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For the most part, elopement planning was pretty simple. The one snag was finding affordable bridal hair and makeup options in the nearby town, so I ended up doing my own makeup and selecting "special event" hair instead of "bridal" at a salon, which was less than half the price.
We still hope to have a celebration with friends and family, once my former marriage is annulled in the church. We might call the party a vow renewal, but we won't utter the word "reception."
I'm a big advocate for having the wedding you want
From photographing extravagant weddings, I know firsthand how the day can quickly stop feeling like it's yours.
In a traditional wedding, everything is on a timeline, and the couple rarely has time to be alone. As a photographer, I try to help by encouraging "first look" photos so they can have more time to themselves before scarfing down food and thanking guests at every table.
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I also never liked the obligation of inviting distant family or stressing over overpriced catered food that still won't appeal to everyone. So many elements of the day, from the bride being rushed down the aisle to worrying about every little cost, feel like they have nothing to do with the couple getting married.
Whichever wedding my clients have, I encourage them to celebrate their bond how they want to. If they're considering eloping, I tell them that if seeing family and friends isn't in their top three priorities for the day — as compared to exchanging vows in a specific location and getting unique photos — it's a good sign they should do it and just have a party later if they want to.
Sometimes, family members can make you feel guilty for choosing an elopement over a traditional ceremony and reception. I always say that the people causing you guilt are not the people you're getting married for. Don't let them be the deciding factor on anything. Besides, your friends and family should love you and understand that this day is not about them.
